HELLO THERE: 175 Quotes of Wisdom
1. The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
2. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
3. If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
4. Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart, he dreams himself your master.
5. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
6. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity. -- Albert Einstein
7. If you're not on somebody's shit list, you're not doing anything worthwhile.
8. Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
9. When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"
10. You never truely understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother. --Albert Einstein
11. Beauty, brains, availability, personality; pick any two.
12. The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.
13. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
14. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
15. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
16. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
17. People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
18. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
19. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
20. The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
21. Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.
22. Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be told that sorrows know how to swim
23. Unless you can question your own beliefs, you have no place questioning the beliefs of others.
24. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
25. Love isn't only blind, it's also deaf, dumb, and stupid.
26. In the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.
27. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
28. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
29. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
30. If you love something very much, give it away. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it wasn't yours to begin with.
31. Accept risk. Accept responsibility. Put a lawyer out of business.
32. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
33. I doubt, therefore I might be.
34. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
35. When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
36. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
37. You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
38. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.41. Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
39. Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
40. Cole's Axiom: The sum of intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population is growing.
42. Keep that sense of humor; it's critical.
43. I envy my dog because..He always tries to put his head between some girls legs, and they pet him!
44. Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.
45. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
46. A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
47. A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
48. Things are only impossible until they're not.
49. If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
50. People who say it can't be done, should not interrupt those of us who are doing it.
51. There is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just pray that it isnt a train.
52. Please excuse my bad English; I'm American.
53. Give the gift of love, and people think you're cheap. Give them a cheap bit of crap, and they love you for it. Go figure.
54. Incoming fire has the right of way.
55. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
56. When tempted to fight fire with fire, keep in mind that the Fire Department usually uses water.
57. Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
58. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
59. A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real reason.
60. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
61. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
62. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
63. "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" - Voltaire
64. The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
65. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
66. Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
67. God Bless America, where laws are passed to protect people from the legal system.
68. "To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead." - Thomas Paine
69. The intelligence of a group is inversely proportionate to its size
70. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
71. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
72. Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
72. I judge a religion as being good or bad based on whether its adherents become better people as a result of practicing it.
74. There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
75. If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
76. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
77. I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
78. Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from many.
79. Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
80. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?81. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
82. Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
83. I AM, therefore I THINK!
84. There are many humorous things in the world: among them the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages
85. No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.
86. If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
87. It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.
88. Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
89. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
90. A penny saved is a penny taxed.
91. Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.
92. I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.
93. Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
94. What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
95.. Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people
96. The worst part of having success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.
97. An encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.
98. A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read
99. Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
100. A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
101. Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking on the form of a readiness to die.
102. Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.
103. To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler- and less trouble
104. It's better to be looked over, than overlooked
105. The only way to get rid of corruption in high places is to get rid of high places.
106. It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you should be.
107. When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
108. Anybody who goes to bed the same day they got up is a quitter.
109. Build a better mouse trap... and you'll be sued by someone who patented mouse trapping devices in 1993.
110. A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
111. Speak softly, but carry an M16.
112. nothing brings people closer than a common enemy
74. The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings.
114. The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank. -- Scotty
115. There is not much to choose between a woman who deceives us for another, and a woman who deceives another for ourselves.
116. The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.
117. It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.
118. Be Nice To Your Kids; They'll Pick Out Your Nursing Home.
119. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
120. A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.121. There are three ways to make money. You can inherit it. You can marry it. You can steal it.
122. Friends, n.: People who borrow your books and set wet glasses on them. People who know you well, but like you anyway.
123. Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
124. In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.
125. The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. -- Mark Twain
126. A bad day at Disneyland is still better than a good day at work.
127. Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
128. There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man
129. If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world -- Albert Einstein
130. It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It's the people who aren't.
131. Opportunity only knocks once (if at all).
132. A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.
133. A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
134. No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.
135. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
136. Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
137. Some have morals, some don't, most simply ignore them.
138. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
139. B. S. = Bull Shit M. S. = More Shit P.h.D. = Piled Higher and Deeper
140. You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.
141. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
142. In the first place God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards
143. A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
144. A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
145. There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends
146. A lot of people become pessimists from financing optimists.
147. Truth is stranger than fiction; fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities, truth isn't
148. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
149. Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been working.
150. Most of our lives are about proving something, either to ourselves or to someone else.
151. The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
152. A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
153. A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.
154. The moral sense enables one to perceive morality- and avoid it; the immoral sense enables one to perceive immorality- and enjoy it
155. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
156. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
157. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
158. There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have in charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst
159. An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations.
160. A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
161. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
162. Put all your eggs in one basket- and watch the basket
163. Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves.
164. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
165. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
166. James Tiberius Kirk: "Spock, the women on your planet are logical. No other planet in the galaxy can make that claim."
167. With stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain. - Friedrich von Schiller
168. RIAA - Raping Independent Artists of America
169. If you sell water don't sue mother nature expecting to stop the coming rain.
170. D is for Diploma -- words to live by in College
171. The reason we are so pleased to find other people's secrets is that it distracts public attention from our own
172. Principles have no real force except when one is well fed
173. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
174. The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking
175. senility, n.: The state of mind of elderly persons with whom one happens to disagree.
